I wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor come from God alone. he is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.

Psalms 62:5-8

I just feel dumb.

I hate feeling dumb.

I know when I make mistakes and I can admit them; I know that that happens and I don't feel dumb about it.

I do not in the least bit feel dumb for being an Astros fan. In fact, after an amazing season - full of ups and downs - seeing the Astros in 3 different ball parks.... I'm very pleased and now more of an Astros fan than before.

That may sound odd...but they are nearer and dearer to my heart. I connected with them. It may sound unhealthy... but I don't think that it is. What I do think is that - I should get this excited about things that will matter forever. I know it sounds cliche... but things about relationships with people and my relationship to God. If we put the time into knowing God and stuff - how much more worthy of an effort would that be?

Now, there is so much to be said for getting together and rooting for a common goal - for a team. It was so great to see people care and grow, etc. from a playoff run. I dunno... we'll see what comes of all of this. Baseball is over now, Christmas is coming and things are good. God is good, that is the only reason that things are good. If things aren't good... God is still good. Yes Mr. or Miss Pragmatic, things are bad in the quake-ridden middle east and New Orleans and people may think that God is absent. I know He is there - teaching and comforting and being God. I don't get it either... but I trust and I have faith... it is weak and lacking at times... but its there. Hold on to that.

Doubt your doubts; believe your beliefs.

Astros - World Series Champs 2006!

Proverbs 16:9


"The mind of a man plans his way; but the Lord directs his steps."

I have this part of me that wants to get away


"...so I won't expect a postcard from Trafalgar Square..."


name that song - then go listen to it and think about stepping out of your box

"I love God's law with all my heart."

Romans 7:22

the new switchfoot album is so good

our world is so lonely... people try so hard! they really try and fill themseleves with things that won't fill


why can't people be satisfied... i think they think that there are things that will fill them that they can do

i hope they don't feel too lonely - i want to show them acceptance and Acceptance

You know...


I'm so lucky.



So are you.

IF YOU WANT TO READ THIS, READ IT ALL.


I was chillin' at my house tonight, as I predict might be a regular occurance, when my old roommies from the dorm stopped by. It was great to see them, and we decided to go to Taco C.

When we got there - we saw some people we knew and were talking with them and stuff; then in a matter of 3 minutes I had these 2 conversations:

Conversation A - with a guy named Brett who was in a few of my classes.

Dan: "Hey Brett, whats up?"

Brett: "Not much man, I've had way too much to drink, I'm really drunk."

Dan: "Allright, well grabbin' some Taco C now? Its good stuff."

Brett: "Yeah, I had to drink tonight - I had a rough past few days. Two of my friends are getting divorced and one of them is just doing so bad; his wife is doing stuff a married woman shouldn't do, so yeah."

Dan: "Well, man I'm sorry about that..."

conversation A trails off...

not 200 seconds later

Conversation B - with "Jane" - an acquaintence...

Dan: "Hey Jane, whats up?"

Jane: "Not much, woah, sorry, I'm so so drunk."

Dan: "Allright, did you have fun?"

Jane: "Eh, not really, I mean... we just drank"

Dan "Did you go [dancing at] to the Hall?"

Jane: "Nah, me and some people went to Northgate... don't worry I'm not driving."

Dan: "Ok, well if you need a ride or anything, let me know for sure, ok?"



I share these stories not to say anything about myself. I share these stories because it worries me when people drink just for kicks or like get drunk because they have some problems.

I do know this: people deal with their problems so differently. I deal with mine in a certain way, and people deal with their problems in other ways. I respect that. Its so legit to have your own way of dealing with stuff. Its just differences in humans. Thats cool - differences.

I hope you took the time to read this whole entry.

its crazy how much older i feel

i want to worry, but when i think about worrying, i remember that i'm not in control


i am coming to grips more and more with the fact that I'm a closet control-freak of sorts

at the same time - i'm learning to lay back and just let things happen


God is good.

Here I am in Spring.


I'm back from D.C. and from Fish Camp.


I'm so excited about practicing what I've learned.



I love music alot and I really enjoy the faithful and true expression of emotion I find in Coldplay's music.



I hope that some of these freshman I've met at Fish Camp and stuff stick to their Faith and hold true to their convictions; not compromising and not changing.

I disagree with those who might say that it is perfectly acceptable to let yourself go in college. Of course its great to go and try some new things - what is dumb is to try everything once to an extreme fashion. For instance: its not necessary to try LSD or hard liquor once to see what it feels like. Its not the best idea to try sex once just to see what it feels like.

I think I break it down like this: things you want to try have to be worth the risk of what might occur as a result of doing such things. If you want to try LSD, you would necessarily accept the possible consequences that your body might shut down, your heart may go into cardiac arrest and you might die. If you wanted to (or) have sex, you would necessarily accept the consequences that you might become pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted infection.

If one might expect sympathy from everyone as a result of a consequence of an action occuring, it might be an illogical and igorant expectation. I would never stop loving someone that I love if they chose do to such a thing; NEVER. I would, however be disappointed at their choice, as is natural. In fact, I don't expect everyone to not choose to do things that are harmful to themselves. Additionally, I do things that are detrimental to myself as well, so by no means am I writing this with a pious attitude; just with an attitude of hopeful wishing - for myself and my friends.


I'm a romantic.

You talk a big game.

Please, step up and do it. You're starting and I'm very happy for you.

Don't go crazy, you have to relax and start to calm down.

Don't surround yourself with people that cannot encourage you and push you and show you how to be better.

It's impossible to be close to someone who you get very frstrated with extremely easily.



People change, and its not always good.

Holy cow - music is so amazing

today on the way home from work - i just closed my eyes and listened to " a message" by coldplay and "swallowed in the sea" by coldplay -

on the way into work i've made it a habit to listen to the beastie boys - and man - that makes for a fun morning - really fun -

"Some voices got treble some voices got base
We got the kinda voices that are in your face."

Thank you beastie boys, coldplay


switchfoot coming out soon - september - can't wait


hi

I don't know what to feel.


I'm happy.



I don't want to be selfish, but sometimes I am. I don't want others to be selfish, but they are.

when i'm watching The Price Is Right, and people win a car or 10,000 dollars and don't go hug Bob or thank him or shake his hand - that pisses me off alot - ungreatful jerks - like they deserve it - it is a gift and a blessing and people need to realize that

maybe i don't get it


maybe i don't understand people as well as i think

but then again - thinking that makes me think that i do

i'm definitely not bragging that i understand people well - its obvious to me and to others sometimes that i "don't get it" but i'm so confused as to when people are so anxious about something and they let that thing slide - or put it immediately on the back burners for something less important

lets be really clear... i'm guilty - as charged - i do it often - but i'm working on stepping up and doing something that i'll say that i will do - and just gettin' it done. however, its a work in progress, and i'm nowhere close to completing it... but i don't think we ever "get there"

let me explain - in some ways - i don't think we ever get to the places we want to go - for instance - i want to be very well-read - as in i want to read alot of books and be very literate - and in steps - i am getting there - slowly but surely i'm reading more and more - but i don't know that I'll ever get to the point where I will be like - ok - i can pick up this book and read it and then put it down and think about it and read it again or something else...

wow that was a pretty poor example - but you get my drift, right?

erica has a really really great quote in her profile and it says "anyone who says 'i miss you' is just not trying hard enough" and i find that to be so true... but at the same time - i can miss my friend so so much but there is nothing i can do right now to see him - he is in arkansas - i am in DC, neither of us can fly - i don't have any money and have committed to working these next few weeks... i can try as hard as i might but - i just don't have the money or time or opportunities to go see him... see what i'm saying? no? well i guess everything is possible for you, and if it is - then shut the hell up and go do the things you want - don't say you really want something or you REALLY really miss someone unless you mean it - because if you think that everything is do-able - then you should put your freaking money where your mouth is and do it - thats precisely why my dad does not make stupid promises - thats why i'm minimizing my "yea... i promise to do that " 's or my "yea i really really miss " because i want my words to carry weight...

again, lets be clear - i'm not perfect- and i'm totally cool with that - i'm not going to use that as my excuse - but i'm certainly going to work towards doing what i say i will -

maybe thats a little intense...i feel like i scare people or push people away when i'm too intense - and i want to apologize - but i don't think my apologies are always sincere - if i truly have hurt someone or did something bad - i'll apologize for my intensity, but if it is something stupid - (and not just stupid from my eyes, logically and plainly) then why should i apologize for having a passion ... for being intense (my passion is not like "to be intense") ... wow - i wonder if anyone follows this... i wonder if my wife could follow this - i don't know who she is or where she is - but if she can get this - if anyone can get this...wow

congrats on reading this far - this is part of my heart and who i am - and how i feel now

Mixed-signals.




wow




thats funny




tonight sould be really fun - I'm glad that I live in America. You are too.

I want to be

a Christian God is pleased with.


He loves me when I don't love Him.

He saved me, when I don't understand Him.




none other,

I realized this today.

There is a song i heard today that said "she loves me but she doesn't even know me." I am inclined to say that the girl who loves this guy is a complete idiot.

Loving someone involves knowing them and loving them regardless. Do you think you can love someone and not meet them, or not truly truly know who they are. I don't think you can. Then what is your love based off of? Looks? One or two chance meetings? See, if you're going to love someone. I mean love someone - you know them, and love them still - like - knowing their faults and their amazing attributes, and loving all of them. In Good Will Hunting, Dr. McGuire (Robin Williams) is describing to will about his late wife. He tells will that she farted in her sleep. He said that at some points, it would get so bad, it would wake both of them up. He said that those little "eccentricities" and annoyances were what he loved about his wife.

Now, i don't know about you, but I get annoyed easily sometimes, and other times I'm real chill, not letting much bother me. Some things about some people really bother me, and its really hard tough to really get past them ya know? Anyhow, my comment about love leads me to this:

In order for you to expect someone to love you, you have to let them know you. Don't be a complete idiot and close yourself off to someone (alot or a moderate amt - you def. need to protect your heart - UNDOUBTEDLY) and expect them to love you. If they say they love you and you know they don't know you or really really know you the true you, they're ignorant stupid and desparate and maybe a little bit horny. Sorry, I had to throw that in there, some people are that shallow.

So, go figure. Get out of my face with this guy loves me or this girl loves me... when they don't have any clue about you. And get even farther out of my face with this crap of expecting someone to love you and not giving them an opportunity to know you.

These are my thoughts, spurred on by a song.


God loves me. God loves me to the point where He sacraficed Himself for me. He knows me, and sees my innermost thoughts, and knows my innermost feelings. Deep down in me where things exist that I will never breath a word about to my wife or my best of friends. Sins I'm capable of committing that would warrant death so severly. THANKFULLY, I am forgiven for my sins, even for the ones i'll never commit. I wouldn't act on it because my life is transformed into a life guarded by God's Spirit living in me. Of course, I'm capable of doing such things, but I won't act on them because God has changed my life, and continues to mold me.

I'm so undeserving of His grace, what on Earth or in Heaven or in hell have i done to deserve such a gift, such a pardon.

GOD KNOWS MY THOUGHTS AND EVERYTHING ABOUT ME AND LOVES ME STILL.

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

HE LOVES ME.

GOD LEGITIMATELY AND DEEPLY LOVES ME.

All this natalee holloway stuff - i can't believe how stupid some people are - here are some comments posted on a forum in response to one of her friends posting something

IT MAKES ME SO FREAKING MAD THAT PEOPLE REFUSE TO PUT ANY RESPONSIBLITY ON HER OR HER CHAPERONES - THERE WERE 2 FOR 160 HIGH SCHOOLERS - HOLY HELL - ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Dear Natalee,
I've been to Aruba, and I want to give you some advice.

1. Have a great time and have something to drink; but DON'T GET DRUNK IN A STRANGE PLACE.

2.Don't hang out with shady locals. Some people are nice, but others will try to take advantage of you (especially if you're a cute, drunk American).

3.Don't get into a car with a stranger. I know, I know you've heard this 1000 times before, but you might think about applying it here in a FOREIGN COUNTRY!

4.Check in with your friends and let them know whats going on. You obviously could not expect to be perfectly fine going off without telling anyone what you're up to.


Wow, Natalee, hearing of what you "allegedly" did the night before you disappeared -I'm so dissappointed. Let me get this straight, you had a few drinks, got in the car with some guy you met a day before, and 2 of his buddies. Natalee, as an honors student, a member of NHS, I would have expected better decisions out of you. You are not completely free of responsibility in the trouble you might be in.

I hope you come back safely and learn from this experience. I hope you family can find peace in the midst of this situation, trusting in God's sovereign plan above their own. That's a real tough thing to do, BELIEVE ME.

this is unbelievable -

it is so ridiculous how much people are so selfish

i really have just been listening - and trying to avoid talking about myself whenever i meet new people - and its been pretty effective - and amazingly interesting

peopl will talk about themselves forever - and go on and on about what they are doing and where they are going - and its is SO RARE to find someone who will turn back the questions you ask them on you - and truthfully i really don't care - if there is a need to share, i'm more than willing to talk about my experiences - and my thoughts - but just shutting up and listening - wow - now thats something else


bill walton is a complete moron


i'm going to see coldplay in concert in september - on the 8th row - booya.


you should call me - my cell phone works up here


on another note - i spent a long time on the phone with krista anderson and i'm adding her as a link on the right - her boyfriend herman is in China, and he seems like a real cool kid

go spurs.

Don't feed me lines.



city love

I'm trying to stay focused and i've done a good job thus far today

however, i have to interject and note a few thoughts:

This morning i've been working on an unemployment/employment report broken down by each county in Texas. Now, this may seem boring, but its kinda interesting...kinda...anyhow -there are 257 counties in this great state and there are some bizzare names of these counties. Besides relatively obscure ones like like Zapata and Zavala; we have Tom Green county, Jim Hogg county, Jim Wells county, Jeff Davis county, Irion county, Deaf Smith county, and Ochiltree county, just to name a few.

Texas is pretty cool.

Office BS: the in-between coffee runs where you pass a co-worker in the hall and just BS about the day - those conversations are ridiculous. They consist of stories and personal insights followed by other stories or personal insights- often about a completely different topic. So in my quest to be a better listener and conversationalist - i just sat back and observed one just a minute ago. The two guys who were talking - they couldn't give a crap about what the other was saying - and the only time when they responeded to the other's comments was when they chimed in with "oh, wasn't he the guy who..." or "yea, we ran into her the other day..." or "oh yea we were working on that..." or some generic, lame excuse for interaction. Somehow in the midst of this "conversation" we wasted 20 minutes, and nothing was constructively said - and the only person to benefit from the conversation - was me - who was able to listen and hear what they were saying - and not think about what i was going to say instead of hearing the other people. go figure

i'll go back to work now

I'm just gonna start typing

when i sat down after i walked the last ppl out of my house - i wanted to just focus on one thing. i can't focus. i just cant -i can't sit down and do one thing at a time -and it makes me so mad. so i wanted to go turn on the tv, and watch sportscenter and probably flip back and forth between blind date and the world series of poker re-runs. but i didn't - i was just like - let me sit down and get some thoughts out; and i am doing so

its amazing how this world has developed. (to all the weblog readers/internet communication junkies): what would our lives be like if we couldn't communicate through AIM for a day's plans or communicate as to what we were doing that day? Would people know a little more about me had i not had a blog? see i don't know b/c then all the time that we WASTE on the internet we might turn into productive relationship development time. instead of spending X hours reading blogs or talking on AIm or checking email 3,100 times we might call someone up - or just drive (ride a bike even, gasp!) <- wow in the past sentence i've just done 3 things that i really can't stand - like i hate when i see people do them - 1) exaggurate on numbers - to a completely stupid extent 2) i typed out "gasp" to be a sarcastic twit, and it just seems, uh dumb, and i used the <- arrow replacement - see - and i don't want to go back and edit what i do - i jsut want to type and hopefullly you'll have a little insight into how i think and how i just like to let my mind go sometimes. I know it would be easy to edit and me talking about it seems even more ridiculous, but eh, what ya gonna do. ...like i guess we might spend more time talking to people face to face - at least i hope that i would - i feel like for me that wouldn't be a struggle, in fact, i'd love to do that more, and if i can manage my time better and not forfeit opportunities to do so, face to face relationship developement would be ideal - and the best type of development there is. what a waste of time facebook is. what a waste of time AIM is... but i go back and forth on AIm - like - its a great way to communicate, easily and non-awkwardly and quickly - and generally thats how most people would prefer it. we don't have to put up a front or look at someone uncomfortably in the face, or make eye contact - its easy to lie, its easy to ignore, and its definitely easy to hide emotions behind the square foot of glass or liquid in front of you. you insecure person. face your insecurities like a strong person. if you don't think you're strong, you sould test yourself, b/c if you don't test yourself, God knows that He will or someone else will - and then where are you? do something to step outside of your comfort zone. EAT ALONE. SIT BY YOURSELF IN CLASS. WALK ACROSS CAMPUS ALONE. wow - its times when i do that that i feel stronger the insecurities comment brings me to my first lyrics quote of the night. some of my friends might be familiar w/ me saying this or have seen it before from Incubus' Smile Lines
-ill just quote the whole stanza

"I'll never act my age
But you can tell by the lines in my smile
That I have been around for awhile
So, insecurities
Are about as useful as trying
To put the pin back in the grenade."

Now, i'm not one to take every lyric that an artist says to be truth - when in fact they are just words - and after all, if it is not written down somewhere respectable, we can't hold it as truth.
What i am one to do is to take lyrics that i find appropriately applicable and share it with people to whom it might apply - and this is one of those lyrics - dear blog readers, note your insecurities, note their usefulness. do they help you? do they serve any purpose but to expose your weaknesses? do they help you find TRUTH? do they help you in your relationships? are they truly useful in your life???

Now, i know what we might say; yes, they do help me to see where i am weak so i can work on this or that, but can they change you? can they force your hand to stop or start...? no, they cannot; their functional use is non-extant, and it is your securities, your strenghts that aid you in your quest for TRUTH and help you develop into the person God needs you to be.

I guess you know yourself better than God. perhaps He didn't make you, didn't knit you together and He doesn't know your thoughts before you think them. Well, wait. He does. Hmm
so you're telling me that God knows what we think before we say or think it.

"For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether." Ps. 139: 4

Pslam 139 - short and sweet and humbling (sp?) its too much for us to fully comprehend ever. will trying to figure God out get me anywhere? I'm split here - sometimes i think it might. I think that in my quest to figure out what God is up to - giving me a body and a sharp mind and allowing me to think thoughts about Him and the world and people, and myself - and choices as to what i'll do with the knowledge of Him and the world and people, and myself - i mean - what will i do with it? I don't think i'll ever figure it out - but it won't stop me from thinking about it - but when i come to a dead end - with a specific tenant of "faith" or some concept - i'm going to realize that there is an end to what my mind can comprehend. I may or may not have reached that end, but i'm definitely not going to kill myself chasing a trail of bread crumbs to a place i know doesn't end. God's knowledge is infinite, and his words and complete knowledge are way above me, lest my mind be infinite and unlimited as well. If my mind was infinite and unlimited, undoubtedly i would know how to gain limitless power, no? if i knew that, well, then I'd be an ultimate and unlimited being, unbound by (among countless other things) gravity time and physcial demensions. I don't know any human that isn't, therefore i dont know of any human past or present that has an unlimited mind, unbound by humanistic (and physical limitations)

that is, unless my unbound mind knew how to get this power, and knew that it was impossible to do so. then we're just stuck w/ an unlimited mind that has no hands or feet. bummer.

we do however, have a limited mind, with much an under-utilized (eh? work with it.) potential, and those who realize this, and seek to maximize their knowledge and capabilities, well, they (we, i might say of myself sometimes) are a step above. I want to be there - i at least want to ever be on my way. ya know? i don't wanna sit and limit myself, but i don't wanna live a foolish hope that i am unlimited.

Limits. Some people might say that all limits are moveable. i have to disagree. the limits of my hope to travel the world and photograph images all over the world is firm (not immovable). i don't have the money or time. i suppose i can make the time, and the money too, but right now, its just a hope without real potential. now, you might say that if i wanted it bad enough, i'd make it happen. now i'd agree with that - but i'd counter by saying that - none of us want these things we might say (travel the world, make a million dollars - wow now thats not a desperate, shallow desire; sheesh - read 1000 books, write a novel, etc.) that we do want bad enough to go do them. Time is another limit. Right now, lets stick with my idea of travelling and photographing (and writing - and by writing - mostly journalling to myself - and by myself i mean mostly to the people that i would want to share it with - the first thought is my wife - wherever she is. man, i love her.) i really don't have the time. at this point in my life, its best for me to finish school in college station, and then go from there. i mean, who knows maybe after that i'll end up with money enough and time enough and opportunities enough to do this. however, i doubt it.

i just paused - where does this leave us? where does this conclusion leave me. do i really not want it? i really don't know - i mean there's nothing saying i don't want it (or anything else bad enough) it just i guess comes down to where my limits are and when my limits change. Some limits are moveable. Some are temporary. Some will always be there, and there is NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. a desire to completely comprehend the Lord? admirable, and something we should strive for, but our limitation to remain eternally unmoved- our finite minds; our finite understanding of time and human nature and human thought. some people can break out of the limitation of "religion" or "existential thought", but those people, no one else, can break past our limited minds as humans. its hard to accept, fight it as you might, but we can't get it all. we just can't. when you think you've got it all, hmm - i suppose you'll know whether or not to tell everyone that God exists or why good things happen to bad people or why Regan sucked and Clinton was the closest we had to God on earth, or whether or not Bush is a complete idiot, or why people thought Kerry would be a great leader, or why Hitler killed himself, or why Arsenal beat Manchester U, or why I can't focus sometimes.

here's some things i'm not saying: we should stop trying to comprehend the mysteries of God or the laws of nature, or we should not hope for things that will never come true. Hm, wait i am saying that if we know that something is never going to happen, we probably should refocus and accept its inevitable impossibility. Sure, you could tell yourself that "ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!" However, you might be mistaken. You won't know everything, and you can't do everything ( i learned that this semester as my GPA took quite a detrimental hit). Daniel, you pessimist some might be uttering. Don't tell me I can't do anything I want. Eh, sorry - I'm stuck here w/ some limitations and you are too.

Here's what i am saying: Aim high and expect to hit higher. Aim unrealistically, and don't expect that your real(istic) self can hit COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE targets. Aim at some targets that you think are nearly impossible. NEARLY, not completely, but nearly. If you think of a target as impossible to hit, you're already at least half-way behind. If you think of a target as nearly impossible, but feasible, you're half-way there. Wow, that sounds corny, bad form. What i am saying is this: everything in this world is not possible. I can't get to the top levels of pro football. It is literally impossible (size, strength, knowledge, support, time, money). I cannot make the 51st state and force myself into the United States. Man, i'm stuck. Most things are possible. Think that things are do-able, but don't think that you are super-human; think that you are capable beyond what you might think. Give yourself credit, and definitely don't think you are more incapable than you are. DON'T BE STUPID. There, that sounds good. DON'T BE STUPID.

i'm kinda wanting to talk about how i hope i sound to people, how i hope that i don't sound inconsiderate or rude. but ya know, in all honesty, i'm not living to please people - well theoretically (and mostly in actuality for me) i really don't care what people think of me - they are not my audience. God is my only judge, and his standard is high. Mine needs to be high, because if its really low, what am i doing to myself but underperforming. I mean, i just spit it out for almost 2 hours and if you don't wanna speak with me again, allright. if you wanna hang out or talk, done. if you don't care, i mean, fair enough. I'm not living for you. I'm living for God, and I'm living my life. My life is not mine though, its my Creator's. I have a gift, and i hope i suffer eternally if i didn't use it well, or appreciate it, or respect it, or cherish it.

C.S. Lewis on a later blog. Maybe i'll just talk about my thoughts in person a little more. i feel like i do it enough, but i could always use more. Thanks for reading till the end if you did. I dont know why i'm thanking you, but i mean peole need appreciation, so I'll give it to them, when I feel as if they deserve it. If you haven't stopped reading by now, or have finished through this, I'm really flattered.

Here's a few more quotes from some songs:

Switchfoot's Ode to Chin

"What's your direction?
Tell me what's wrong, tell me what's right
What's your direction?
Think about somebody else for the night
Life's more than girls
God's more than words
You're more than this
So what's your direction?
And where are you now?
Grow, grow where you are
Anchor your roots underneath
Doubt your doubts and believe your beliefs."

from Switchfoot's Life and Love and Why

"Life and love and why
Child adult then die
All of your hoping and all of your searching for what?
Ask me for what am I living and what gives me strength that i'm willing to die for
Take away from me this monstrosity
'Cause my futile thinking's not gonna solve nothing tonight
Ask me for what am I living and what gives me strength that I’m willing to die for
Could it be this?
Could it be bliss?
Could it be all that I ever had missed?
Could it be true?
Can life be new?
And can I be used?
Can I be used?
Give me a reason for life and for death
And a reason for drowning while I hold my breath
Something to laugh at a reason to cry
With everyone hopeless and hoping for something to hope for
Yeah, with something to hope for
Could it be true?
Can life be new?
Could it be all that I am is in You?
Could it be this?
Could it be bliss?
Can it be You?
Can it be You?"

good stuff from Foreman and the boys - i got little else

at the end of the day, I'm just Daniel, I'm Daniel! I'm Daniel.

and funny enough, i can breath a sigh of relief because God is God.

Isaiah 45:6
"That they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that there is none beside me. I am the LORD, and there is none else. "

People are amazing.

This is gonna be random.

Here are some favorite Weizel family sayings, that I find amazingly true and, umm amazing.

"Hey, ya never know."

"Fuhgedhabahdit" (Many might realize that this is a NE slang term that many might use, however no one in Texas that I've met uses it. Booya.)

"Everyone's got a story."


thats all i got for now. I leave for DC in a week or so - I can't wait - to get up there and see for myself how i can make a difference, or what i can do.

I'm gonna hit DC hard.


Game 1 : Texas A&M 8
Texas 7

Here are some lyrics from Kanye West's skits on his album College Dropout.

Think about them, they're hilarious and poignent.


School Spirit Skit 1:

Now beat that
And your mothers sayin “go to college”So u finish college and its wonderful
You feel so good
And after all the partying and crazing
And don’t forget about that drug habit u picked up at school bein around your peers
Hey now you’ll get that 25 thou, job a year and
You’ll spend all your money on crack cocaine, but it’ll be you’re your money
No more borrowin money from mom for my high
So now you get ur degree tattooed on your back your so excited about it
If u continue to work at the GAP, after several interviews,
Oh my god!
You’ll come in at an entry level position and when u do that
If u kiss enough ass, you’ll move up to the next level
Which is being a secretary’s secretary!
And boy is that great, you get to take messages for the secretary
Who never went to college
Shes actually the bosses niece, so now you're a part of the family
You know what college does for you?
It makes you really smart man
All you kids want to talk in the back of the class not me, I listened, okI was a hall monitor,
This was meant to be,
You know how many classes I took, extra classes extra classes
No I’ve never had sex but you know what? My degree keeps me satisfied
When a lady walks to me says “hey you know whats sexy?”
I say “no, I don’t know what it is, but I bet I can add up all the change in your purse very fast”.


School Spirit Skit 2:

You keep it going man, you keep those books rolling,
You pick up those books you're going to read
And not remember and you roll man.
You get that associates degree, okay,
Then you get your bachelors, then you get your masters
Then you get your master's masters,
Then you get your doctorate,
You go man, then when everybody says quit
You show them those degree man, when
Everybody says hey, your not working,
Your not making in money,
You say look at my degrees and you look at my life,
Yeah i'm 52, so what, hate all you want,
But i'm smart, i'm so smart, and i'm in school,
And these guys are out here making
Money all these ways, and i'm spended mine to be smart.
You know why?
Because when i die, buddy, you know
What going to keep me warm, that right, those degrees



Yep, thats what life is all about: money and degrees.

To the world:

You need to be:

-best friends with people who give back to you - not you always asking that you do things for them, or call when they need something, but they should care, they should ask and seek to know and understand. If they don't, then they don't need to be your best friends. Don't be selfish.

-with someone who gives of themselves back to you (see above), don't settle, don't be mediocre, and don't be complacent - strive - aim so high

-realistic, you live in the here and now, not the past, but the future is what you are going to be living in, however it is not right now - so "go where you are, anchor your roots underneath. Doubt your doubts, and believe your beliefs."

"Life is not what you want it to be; it is what it is. Its how you cope with it that makes the difference." (I miss you, Andrea)

-romantic - too much reality is boring and stupid. You can't overlook it, but you can, and need to be, romantic many times. Find something that sets your heart on fire. Find something that you could die for. If you live a life without finding something to die for, your life was a failure. (I paraphrased a quote from someone famous, I believe).

-apologize - if you screw up - own up to it - don't make excuses, you can be wrong. ITS OK. realize that you are not perfect and that YOU SCREW UP SOMETIMES. ITS OK

-live - do what you can where you are


To some this may sound stupid and mushy, to others, profound. I'm not always right, i find that i'm wrong more often than i think; and thats ok.

God is good, and alive in the world. Doubt that and you've got a long number of years ahead of you.

It makes me really - i dunno - frustrated at many of my peers - we are in class - VTPB 221 - Great Diseases of the World - and our professor - Dr. Tizard - (who has a tight Scottish accent by the way) is sharing with us his passion - and i understand that Malaria and The Plague and Syphilis might not be the most interesting thing in the world -but at the end - he asks "any questions?" and as soon as he pauses before that query - everyone knows its time to go - and no one looks up - no one asks a question - everyone gets their crap together and thinks about what they need to do next - and i feel sorry for our professor - he is sharing his passion with us - so after he pauses a few awkward seconds - everyone gets up and leaves - and he nods his head and walks back to his desk -

i dunno - maybe i'm being to empathetic a/b this - he is a prof. and he gets paid to teach

anyhow - i went up to him and introduced myself and said that i was appreciative of him sharing with us - especially allowing Poli Sci majors into such a class - the interesting subjects in the class

maybe i'm being retarded - but then again - its all about the people

As i sit here on hold with HP, trying to get my IPAQ sync fixed up - i have a chance to reflect a little bit


Andrea Gent was injured in a car accident Sunday afternoon - the 23rd.
She is still in a coma, and probably won't come out of it.
Its bizzare in so many ways.
I met Andrea a little more than 3 years ago. I met her through Ben after they came back from Frontier - through Young Life.

I remember hanging out with her at my house over Christmas Break, and walking her out to her car. Most recently i remember her coming into our VTPB class and giving me a huge hug - and being so excited we were in a class together. Man, her smile just shines out in my mind. Its, wow, amazingly mind-blowing to think i'll never see it again. I'll never see her again. Andrea Gent is gone.

This week - i found myself in a daze; asking questions of God, asking questions of myself. Questioning, and recalling; getting upset and searching for peace.

Lets be really clear: I'm upset and my heart aches. There is no comfort in the world's words.

Lets be really clear: I'm not in control. I'm ok with that. I am totally helpless, and I'm fine.

God is in control. Its that simple. Don't make it too complicated, don't think about it too much. It won't make sense. What will make sense is this: God is in control; He knows whats going on; He's got a better plan than the one I can cook up.


Make the best of the situation you are put in. Word.

Look where we find ourselves:

2005

January

back in school


and focusing more and more on ourselves

maybe the problem is that you think of yourself too much

pity yourself too much

i find myself doing it sometimes, and i'm aiming to stop

but self-pity is where many people, oddly enough, find comfort.

and that is extremely strange to me

Dear ,

Get over yourself. Look around you, look at the people. There are times you should use to exchange with them feelings and thoughts...

Be interested in others.

Focus on what you need to do, but what lasts the longest is your investments in people.

Pursue things outside of yourself, then you'll have a better perspective inward.