this is a little random

everything is blamed on the "downfall of the family" - divorces and absentee fathers are to blame for most of societies problems: kids underperforming in school, drug usage increase, teenage pregnancy. could it be that there is more to it than family problems.

also this is another thing that is confusing to me. people with no family problems - that is an intact nucleus of father and mother (originals) - seem to be the experts. i would hardly be able to consider myself an expert on family dealings when my mom and dad have been happily married for 25+ ... so if you think you're qualified to speak with authority on family problems - and you still have parents with a strong, consistent marriage - think again. my extended family has had problems - divorce, infidelity, etc. - but i haven't experienced that directly, so where do i have authority to speak?

also, i'll write another letter:


dear **

you are immature. sometimes you cannot get outside of yourself, and you cannot see beyond your own nose. in many senses you are so lucky. what problems do you have? large problems seem to pop up sometimes, but they quickly fade amidst claims of blessing ... the problems don't seem to be that anymore. you're amazing and so great and i love you, but come on - be aware of others around you.

daniel







nb: as in most of my letters to myself, often i am included in some of the accusations.

i want to write more. but i manage my time poorly and i don't leave myself with a lot of time to spare and write or read. my journals suffers, my time with many different people and items suffers. why do i fail at getting it together?

AWESOME. i sometimes feel like i'm defending myself a lot. i wonder what that means. i think it might mean that i'm wrong and there is reason for people to call me out.

this is in vegas. i saw david crowder in a casino in vegas. i wish i could have hung out with him more than i did.

I'm just so confused. Maybe you really don't get it. Maybe I was right on my initial thought.

I do believe I'll keep up with this a little more.

I hope I'll get some more readers here because there are some important thoughts I want to share with many people.

I wish people would understand what a struggle love is. I see a lot of people misunderstanding what love can really mean. Without a struggle, love is, among other things, almost false. Notice how I said 'almost'. It is not false; love untested. It is easy. I think that a lot of people only have experienced easy love.

I have not. I have not only experienced easy love. I'm so happy that I haven't. What a blessing! What a struggle! What a point in the right direction and what a kick in the ass! I'm being serious. I could not imagine how much less sensitive and less aware of my thoughts and actions and how much less observant I might be if I had never had to struggle with (and subsequently embrace) loving people close to me that have "challenged" me in ways they don't know. You just don't know.

I'll finish with a letter to someone whom I suspect won't read it, and if he or she does, then I doubt they'll realize it was meant for them.


Dear ***

You live in a dream world. You think you get reality? You are blind and ingnorant to struggle; real, fleshly, hatred and struggle. When will you realize it? I don't know that you will before God calls you home. That's too bad, because truthfully - you could have an even bigger impact than you already do. You aren't observant, but you're working on it. I love you, and I appreciate the things you've taught me.

Daniel

I doubt so much the people I want to read this will read this. Bummer.

Oh well, here goes.

Dear * *** *** **

I wish you would be brave. I wish you would not get defensive so easily and I wish you would see people's hearts through their actions - not just their actions - this goes along with the first wish of mine - you not being so defensive. Its not about me. Thats ironic, and I wish you could see that.

Come on! Go without a parachute (thats ironic, but you wouldn't know it either) and believe what I say.

Its so hard to enjoy things sometimes, but sometimes you make it easier (in both good ways and bad). So thank you nonetheless.

Daniel


Dear ***** *

Please stop it. Get your head out of your ass, because, for some odd reason, you are choosing to keep it there. Look and see who loves you and how much they do! AHHH. You're so awesome! I mean that so much! So, use all that you have for the best - and not for the worst, because God knows it has nearly killed us both, literally and figuratively.

Daniel

I love this picture so much. It makes me very happy. How does time fly...

 

I think I've overestimated myself and that's a bad feeling. A really bad feeling.

Maybe I'm not as good as I thought.

When did people become so eager to compromise?

Thats so disappointing.

I'm trying hard not to slip and trying hard to be consistant, and people that I respect so much end up turning a blind eye towards stuff.

When we do that, we make ourselves look like ignorant bastards.

Let me get this off of my chest.

You cannot beat me. Don't try to beat me at this game. I have been around the block so many times it will make your head spin. I think people think that they are so good at this that they miss out on the sharks like me and Staff in the water.

So you know what? Keep your tricks to yourself, don't bother trying them on me, because I will make you look like an idiot.

Shut down your facade.

I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it.

-Voltaire

As I've been running more late at night, I have a number of incredible thoughts about life that come to me. Running really clears a lot out of my head and I enjoy it so much.

I'll be posting some of those thoughts randomly after my runs or as I think of them. I'll catch up for the past few weeks:



-Going through life doubting and angry must suck so much. Too much doubt or too much anger will do misery to your soul. Also, too little doubt or anger will do misery to your soul.

-I wonder what its like to be addicted to something. What would it be like to have something you CANNOT CONTROL force your hand. I think it must suck so much.

-People don't get it. It is so hard for people to pick their head up and look around. I'm so thankful for the few people in my life who do get it. So incredibly thankful.

People have the hardest time admitting when they are wrong.