if you're afraid to ask hard questions, then shut the hell up.

i have a suspicion that there is maybe 6 or 7 people that read this every 2 weeks or so.

quick thoughts on facebook: there are some people who don't need to be on facebook. from day 1 - i was worried that facebook would be come creepy and public like myspace. i think facebook also is a cop-out to communication in some ways - and in other ways its very convenient and easy to use. but there are some people that don't need to be on facebook. like myspace, its just an invitation to creeps and perverts who can now register and join, and look at groups and stalk college and high school students. its another way for people to be impersonal and live behind a screen. i use facebook because it has some great features, but when it comes to keeping up with people in my life that i truly care about, i'll get a hold of them in person or by phone at the least.

also, there is not a need for some other people to be on facebook. i'm going mainly at adults here. the adults in my graduate school classes (Al, the HPD officer, Noe the CSPD investigator, Griffin the married guy, among many others) aren't on it. and sure - i understand that some adults who interact with students regularly might have some purpose for it; but then again - isn't there an area of life where students need some autonomy? i'm not here to tell anyone what to do and what not to do - i'm just confused by some people's actions. honestly there comes a point where people need to let go. this is applicable not only to a parent, but also to a freshly ended relationship, etc. and stalkbook makes it a little harder to let go; sometimes. there are lots of great benefits to the internet and free flow of information, but stalking and nosiness are byproducts that i'm not a huge fan of. no one is i think.

sometimes i think people test me. and sometimes i wish they would. i would like to hear - at the end of some frustrating situation i'm involved in - someone goes: "dan, we [or i] were just kidding about that. i just wanted to see what you would do, and how you would handle that".

i wish people knew how much i care about them. what i wouldn't do to make sure they are enjoying life and being happy. then i think to myself - maybe some people are - and me not being in their life is the best thing for a while. as much as it is a blow to my pride, i need to learn to accept this, and be consistent in my saying "whatever i can do (or not do) to help". i just wish someone could point out when i should or shouldn't be there. because sometimes i feel like a complete jackass, overly annoying, and a hinderer to their enjoyment. sometimes i feel like this on the basketball court. i'm not good at hoops. i'm maybe a 5.2 on a 1-10 scale, and when i wanna go play - usually with people who are way better than me - i feel like a tag along. so i do my best to contribute, and not take dumb shots, or look too stupid.

i just wish everyone could feel comfortable in talking with me. especially the people i care about - because at the end of the day - they take priority.

i think this is more of the 5-th year funk i'm experiencing - with fewer friends in town, fewer people to go hang out with and do things with. here's the honest truth: i love it. i'm so glad that my hand is forced to stay at home, and be responsible, look for a job, and get my shit together. because, as i found out this weekend - there is always time for a good time. i know people say that you should maximize your time in college - and i feel like i have - i have a lot of fun stories (which some might consider lame), and i've had a hell of a time, but there is something in me that is ready for the next challenge. believe me - now that i'm back from the summer - i'm glad i have another year in college station, and there are only a few things that i would trade for it (extensive travel - with my family perhaps - and "the perfect job" - of which there are very few) but i'm so glad i get to spend another year near my brother, close to my folks, and with the few remaining people in college station that i wanna hang out with.

in the mean time, i'll do my best to understand my role in different situations, and try and focus on what i need to do. but more than what I need to do; i wanna be available to drop anything i'm doing to help or hang out with those i love. and i want to learn what i don't know about them. this is my greatest challenge - and God has been helping me with it very slowly, but surely - to shut the hell up and listen. to not talk and be a sounding board. my time will come to give advice or give my opinion - but for the rest of my life, i want to make sure that is secondary to opening my ears, and opening my eyes. I ask for your help, anyone who might read this, in showing me, and talking to me about how i can do this better.


Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

isaiah 40:28-31

i have a few problems with how you interact with people. it makes me question the idea of being engaged before you are 22. i don't think people have experienced enough to fully go through with an engagement and marriage when they are still desiring things that a mature, married family-person would not.

this post, though scantly read, will make sense to very few.