everyone is going to say "oh well its not a huge shock that we lost"

but thats bullshit. BULL ... SHIT.

we don't schedule Arkansas state to lose in the first game of the season... AT HOME.

what the hell?

here i am and i'll take my time
here i am and i'll wait in line, always
always

...but coffee helps too












oh and also, i feel hope. i trust that my plans, full of holes, are not enough, and i can trust in plans greater.






lots of hope. for your boy daniel.







and for his boy wes

I know that this job is good for me. But I can't exactly put my finger on what is really stressing me out. Maybe its my managers who stress themeselves out. Maybe its the upper managers who put the pressure on.

I dunno. But whatever it is, is stressing me out. And thats just brutal.

But stress can be a good thing. But it can hurt, especially when you want to just encourage and support a lot of people that are close to your heart.




Some people like being busy and stressed though, and i don't understand that at all. Most of the time, these people talk about being so busy and having lots to do. Is it a pride thing? Why do you want to be busy and not have a great deal of downtime?


Balance is the (obvious, freaking) key to it all.


Balance the work


Balance the pouring out, and being poured into.


I think thats what brings me back to the basis of my blog... community and interaction

I wonder what people assume about us.


Assuming will get you in trouble. I've learned this, and i'm sure YOU'VE learned this too.

i'm so incredibly jealous right now. i've just read over 2 of my friends blogs about their summers. they describe having an incredible summer, learning so much, experiencing so much. one of them was in DC , and was describing her experiences, and i just had this instant upsetness at how much i miss that city, and how much i enjoyed my summer there. what a city. i guess i should be glad that they get to experience that city, and have a great time, but man - i'm jealous of an "experience".


but i guess i shouldn't be, because although i might be bored sometimes in my day to day grind of a job, i know that i am building for the future, working and going through some frustrating time at work, and eventually i'll be able to experience things greater than a summer fling with a city.

i'm so lucky, i realize this. i'm very lucky. more lucky than i feel like i deserve.


ahh and its so frustrating to conflict with myself, about enjoying where i am, and appreciating where i am, witih wanting to be out, and doing things, and challenging, and experiencing, and ahhh man.





what a great time i've had over the past few years, and maybe i haven't completely moved on. but only in memory. i'm not planning on thinking about college often, but when i do, i miss the experiences, some experiences, a great deal.





but i'm in a good place.






right? right. right? right. right?

I got kinda nostalgic recently when I looked at a facebook page - a friend of mine who is going to be a freshman at A&M. I remember the exact feelings of that first week, of my parents pulling out of my dorm's parking lot, of the thoughts such as "wow, i can stay out as late as i want" or "i can go visit anyone" or "i'm on my own... for real"

and those thoughts just touched my heart. it was such an amazing time - living in the dorms - meeting a few guys there who's weddings i was in, who will be at mine, we'll be friends till we die. Then there was football games... going to the first game and having no clue what to expect. nervous hang outs with cute college chicks, frustration and anxiousness at tough classes. excuses to get involved on campus. cold walks to my classes during the winter months. seeing aggie muster for the first time.

my God, do i miss it.


I remember meeting my roommates, and getting to know them. I remember who dated who and who liked who. Its kinda funny how that stuff sticks.

and honestly, i still view myself as that young kid, 19 years old, no clue what he wants... just now - i make money, i live in Dallas, and all day i work... instead of go to class, ride my bike, watch movies and hang out w/ friends. things change.


and i guess thats the cool part of it.

its tough working with a suspected workaholic. my dad made a good point... they will usually underestimate how long they are here.

i've put in good work this week... though its slow and not as contributory* as i'd like... i'm making progress, learning the system and thats a good thing. we got in at 7am most of the days this week, and yesterday at 545 i asked if there was anything else i could do, or if i could finish up in the morning, to which my supervisor, with his 3 kids and a wife, asked me "you got something you gotta do?"

and i stammered and stuttered and said "eh, well i guess..." and he cut me off with the ole "no, its cool man, go ahead, bro... take off"

and our job isn't the one keeping the company afloat. its important to our boss, and its a great job... its preparing him to brief people, but i think people sometimes just wanna work... and not go home. and that's not my issue...

but i'm still pretty good sometimes

even with important things i sometimes have a way of procrastinating them. i got a speeding ticket in jewett a while back, and instead of taking care of it right away, i waited till the last day before i called in, and then the told me i had 10 days to mail stuff in. so sure enough, i waited until the 10th BUSINESS day to mail stuff in and i called to make sure this was ok.

it was not. they said i was long over due, but they let me send stuff in 'late'. it was hanging over my head, and whenever i thought about it... it caused just a slight bit more stress to an already stressful past few weeks.


stress seems to pop up out of nowhere sometimes, and that sucks


work is getting better/worse sometimes... but its going faster... which is nice. it makes that week in between paychecks (this one) go by much faster... because the following week, i get a nice $++++ to my bank account.



i have 2 friends without jobs, and i'm bewildered by it. they are far more qualified than me, and capable of staying organized and on top of things more than me, and they both had jobs taken away from them.



which reminds me how lucky i get. i got lucky that i knew lindsey working at this job, and that an opportunity opened up. and i got lucky that i had a good interview with the big boss, and he offered me a better job once i got here. i got lucky to get a corner apartment with a huge balcony. i'm lucky to be dating my girlfriend. i'm lucky to have no debt.

i'd rather be lucky than good


thats for damn sure

i understand double checking things over and over... but sometimes you can go overboard.



one of the things that i was told about my job was to make mistakes.... after checking things only a certain number of times, you need to go with it. i'm getting really frustrated this morning, because my boss is being a little hyperactive and making me re-check work that i've already re-checked... and i guess he's trying just to teach me at some point... and he's a finance/accounting guy by trade... so he's a little anal as they come. this is a good thing as a lead analyst, and i'm sure i'll get there too... but sometimes its a little much. and it can really irritate...