i'm in DC for capstone, and its been very fun. i had a great night last night, and more importantly, i had great, challenging, stimulating conversation. man i love conversation.

its really cold here too

i'm not sure what i'm gonna do about the job offer.

again, i spoke of challenge and tough times - how everyone goes through them and how i think that they should.

in class just now, my friend gave up her seat to a classmate because 'it was his seat'.

i don't get that.

if people get upset over little things like that, then they lack perspective. they lack a perspective of temperment, a perspective of interaction, and slightly, a perspective of people.

be uncomfortable

its a world that few people know. and even fewer want to know it. its where grown men (and women) can compete and be brave.

its where you can compete, win, and lose.  

its a world that i enjoy, not love, enjoy.  and right now - that world has been as cold as f*3830g hell. 

its so cold, and i want to be so upset and angry. i want to be so mad and ludicrous and irate, but i'm fighting it.  i need some help dealing with it - and i really have only 1 friend who knows about it.  he's a good friend, he's loyal and intelligent and i'm so proud of him; so proud that he is one of my boys.

dammit i'm so mad.

listening to ghostland observatory (check them out on myspace or search for them in itunes)

brings me back to ACL - I had an amazing time. Simply amazing.  It was there that I began to like this sweet girl named Jenny Diamond. 

It was an incredible weekend - not to mention one of my best friends Will Lanier. He's over in England working on his graduate work in Philosophy at Oxford. Also - I love his girlfriend Dawn.

I had an interesting conversation with a co-worker today - she was telling me that she couldn't imagine dating this guy (who she had gone on 1 date with) who wanted to settle down on his family ranch near Austin - because she would be 5 hours away from her family.  I get it. I get that she loves her family and they are always together - never far apart - only miles separate their houses - but I just am reminded of how necessary it is for us to be challenged, to be uncomfortable.  I wanted to just impart to her the perspective of "leaving your family" or "really being out on your own", but some people are just a little too insistent on what they have their mind set on.

the "senior scramble"

michael fermier, my roommate for 3 years, told me this morning that he saw a girl named Megan.  I guess we both knew who she was, or at least he thought that I did, and when I asked who she was, Mike said that she was an ex-girlfriend of another friend of ours, Aaron, who is now engaged to someone else.  I asked what she was up to, and mike said that she was not married. 

ha.

then mike clawed on my doorpost and said - "Its the Senior Scramble; everyone clawin' to get a piece."

i thought that was pretty funny.

take care of each other. release to each other.

if you are not discussing important and challenging things with your "close friends" then you don't have close friends.

if you are keeping everything inside, and not talking about hard things, then you are lying to yourself.

release. please. you'll feel so much better.  i'll listen.

this is nothing new, but i was reminded how much people like to talk about themselves, or their experiences.

its really kind of annoying, and i'm positive that i do it as well.

i've read before that talking about yourself is a kind of defense mechanism, and it makes sense. think about the times that you begin talking about yourself when you don't generally want to. aren't they times in interpersonal situations where you feel a little bit awkward?

its not? then you're just talking about yourself on regular interactions.
did someone ask you about what you've done or something for you to explain? great! this is generally the only time i try and talk about myself. being so focused outwardly is crucial to being a good friend, a good love, a good son or daughter. but more importantly, you become so much more aware of what's around you. you might find yourself saying things like "oh, i didn't see that" or "oh, i didn't hear that"... a lot less.

ask questions, and be sincere. live and be interested outside of yourself. don't tout how much you might have to study, how many finals you have, or the things you have to get done. get them done and battle in those fights with perseverance and the strength you petition from the Lord. of course its necessary to seek support from your friends, especially when there are things that cannot be accomplished in the short-term or are issues deeply and painfully affecting you.

that being said, don't hesitate to ask for help in situations where you need it. battling by yourself, and getting in the habit of being too stubborn to ask for some aid... makes little sense in the long run. if you think you can handle big issues by yourself, you're wrong. i'm wrong for thinking that i can figure out my job situation by myself, to figure out my classes and projects and everything by myself. its prideful, and i am and you are, a fool for doing it.

God's so very gracious to look past all the times we ignore him, or intentionally disobey him. how can we not be thankful for that, thankful that he is always as anxious to love you and forgive you, every single time that we screw up.

really i can't believe that its been over 2 weeks since i posted last. times are flying by; this semester is almost over. my friend elisabeth started a blog. holla. ejexplains.blogspot.com

sometimes i wonder if i should pursue a career in sports. i spend enough time talking and thinking about it.

it could be the weather; however i think that a lot of ****s are st****** their *****ds within this past week or this coming week.


YIKES!

i think sometimes i've undervalued myself.

i think that i should change a little of this attitude.

especially remembering what i learned in Europe

i wonder if you read this. if you do, i hope you can understand how to be flexible, and understand that its ok to change sometimes. i hope you'll stop being scared and start to do things to challenge yourself.






band of horses is a new group that miori told me about that, like he said, I'm fairly certain i will be a big fan of for a long, long time.

thanks j-sal

i can't believe how quickly time flies. people say that often; but its incredibly true. quickly: late AUGUST turns into EARLY NOVEMBER, and the fall nears an end. what did i do with my time? i feel like i've been oddly constructive, and oddly lazy. i can't tell how i feel about these past few weeks. time will tell.

jenny

I am continually amazed at how the Lord truly takes care of our hearts when we ask Him to. When we just do it half-heartedly and out of repetition and pattern, it is very hard to hear sincerity in your petition. But when we find ourselves at a point where we know we shouldn't be or we know we need help, sincerity seems to flow easier.

"guys i don't expect you to understand this; but i can relate to Monica Lewinski"
-e (rifle, shotgunn, .44magnum)

"a woman needs a man, like a fish needs a bicycle"
-u2

its noble, wanting to go on a mission. sometimes i realize its an obedience to the Lord. but sometimes, i think people miss the big picture when they just think about 1 aspect of missions, or Christianity.


i just spent an incredible few days with an incredible girl.


i'm still looking for a long-term and short-term job


i don't ever want to be boring.


boring; brutal; bummer; barely; blessings; break-out

You're dangerous 'cause you're honest
You're dangerous, you don't know what you want

if you're afraid to ask hard questions, then shut the hell up.

i have a suspicion that there is maybe 6 or 7 people that read this every 2 weeks or so.

quick thoughts on facebook: there are some people who don't need to be on facebook. from day 1 - i was worried that facebook would be come creepy and public like myspace. i think facebook also is a cop-out to communication in some ways - and in other ways its very convenient and easy to use. but there are some people that don't need to be on facebook. like myspace, its just an invitation to creeps and perverts who can now register and join, and look at groups and stalk college and high school students. its another way for people to be impersonal and live behind a screen. i use facebook because it has some great features, but when it comes to keeping up with people in my life that i truly care about, i'll get a hold of them in person or by phone at the least.

also, there is not a need for some other people to be on facebook. i'm going mainly at adults here. the adults in my graduate school classes (Al, the HPD officer, Noe the CSPD investigator, Griffin the married guy, among many others) aren't on it. and sure - i understand that some adults who interact with students regularly might have some purpose for it; but then again - isn't there an area of life where students need some autonomy? i'm not here to tell anyone what to do and what not to do - i'm just confused by some people's actions. honestly there comes a point where people need to let go. this is applicable not only to a parent, but also to a freshly ended relationship, etc. and stalkbook makes it a little harder to let go; sometimes. there are lots of great benefits to the internet and free flow of information, but stalking and nosiness are byproducts that i'm not a huge fan of. no one is i think.

sometimes i think people test me. and sometimes i wish they would. i would like to hear - at the end of some frustrating situation i'm involved in - someone goes: "dan, we [or i] were just kidding about that. i just wanted to see what you would do, and how you would handle that".

i wish people knew how much i care about them. what i wouldn't do to make sure they are enjoying life and being happy. then i think to myself - maybe some people are - and me not being in their life is the best thing for a while. as much as it is a blow to my pride, i need to learn to accept this, and be consistent in my saying "whatever i can do (or not do) to help". i just wish someone could point out when i should or shouldn't be there. because sometimes i feel like a complete jackass, overly annoying, and a hinderer to their enjoyment. sometimes i feel like this on the basketball court. i'm not good at hoops. i'm maybe a 5.2 on a 1-10 scale, and when i wanna go play - usually with people who are way better than me - i feel like a tag along. so i do my best to contribute, and not take dumb shots, or look too stupid.

i just wish everyone could feel comfortable in talking with me. especially the people i care about - because at the end of the day - they take priority.

i think this is more of the 5-th year funk i'm experiencing - with fewer friends in town, fewer people to go hang out with and do things with. here's the honest truth: i love it. i'm so glad that my hand is forced to stay at home, and be responsible, look for a job, and get my shit together. because, as i found out this weekend - there is always time for a good time. i know people say that you should maximize your time in college - and i feel like i have - i have a lot of fun stories (which some might consider lame), and i've had a hell of a time, but there is something in me that is ready for the next challenge. believe me - now that i'm back from the summer - i'm glad i have another year in college station, and there are only a few things that i would trade for it (extensive travel - with my family perhaps - and "the perfect job" - of which there are very few) but i'm so glad i get to spend another year near my brother, close to my folks, and with the few remaining people in college station that i wanna hang out with.

in the mean time, i'll do my best to understand my role in different situations, and try and focus on what i need to do. but more than what I need to do; i wanna be available to drop anything i'm doing to help or hang out with those i love. and i want to learn what i don't know about them. this is my greatest challenge - and God has been helping me with it very slowly, but surely - to shut the hell up and listen. to not talk and be a sounding board. my time will come to give advice or give my opinion - but for the rest of my life, i want to make sure that is secondary to opening my ears, and opening my eyes. I ask for your help, anyone who might read this, in showing me, and talking to me about how i can do this better.


Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

isaiah 40:28-31