And I'm complaining.

Wow, I'm blindsided again. Dan Reiter just passed away - a car accident on Spring Cypress. Ya know, Spring Cypress - the road I travel multiple time each day. Ya know, Dan Reiter from high school. oh wow. i'm so like... i don't have words to type -i just paused and thought about what to type and i don't know. i'm alive. Andrea Gent, William Minor, David Gilbert, Walker Best, and Dan Reiter are not. and i'm complaining about my internship - about driving in traffic and not getting paid, and being bored, and being frustrated. wow. i feel so dumb. i feel so selfish and so dumb and so weird. dan's time was up, and i'm still here. all of these friends' time was up and i've been given more. why do i keep finding things that are wrong. why do i keep finding things to be upset about... i know it can't keep all joyful all the time... maybe i can - the thing i remember about dan reiter is that he never was not smiling and always joyful and - i mean - i know people say that about a lot of people who passed away - but he really did it - he really lived joyfully and servant-hearted and with energy. i didn't keep up with him the past few years but what i remember of him and what i'm confident of is that he was continuing to do s0 - in service and in his life and relationships. oh wow. and i'm complaining. and i'm upset and i'm selfish. i feel so weird and i don't know why - its not like he's on my speed dial or anything - its just familiarity and a reality check i guess. what on earth? why am i so upset by this? why have i let things frustrate me - and other things take my focus. i'm totally zoned really weird right now. i know the Lord is good and His plans are so great. i know this. i'm confident of this in the long run. Lord, I'm so sorry. Dan, I'm so sorry. Family, I'm so sorry. My attitude is so bad, Lord, wipe me out - clean out my mind and break my heart and wash me through. Make me relateable, and make me proud and make me joyful and make me dependent on you and not on myself. make me happy and fill me with your perspective, your wisdom and your joy - but most of all your love. shower the reiters with your love and perspective and wisdom right now. Lord, i beg your peace and i beg you. i beg you.