"Fuck the revolution! They don't talk about the glory of killing for the revolution. What's the glory in taking a man from his bed and gunning him down in front of his wife and his children? Where's the glory in that? Where's the glory in bombing a Remembrance Day parade of old age pensioners, their medals taken out and polished up for the day. Where's the glory in that?"


-Bono, November 8, 1987

read about Sunday Bloody Sunday

I had an amazing night. I can't believe how good it was for my soul. Yes, it was good for my soul. Great movie... hanging w/ Mike... reading for FUN at a coffee shop, and seeing a dear sweet friend from high school I haven't seen in so long - Claudia Howell. I can't believe she's in CS, and I can't believe how happy she is with her life - and how happy that makes me - how in love she is with her boyfriend, and how happy she is in the path she's come through.

What more can I say besides praises to the Lord? Who else can orchestrate such an amazing few hours, and teach so faithfully in this time in my life? No one but the Lord. All thanks and praise to יהוה‎

why don't i risk more than i have before? if i always live inside my threshold of "never risking too much" then i'm bound to miss out.

don't miss out.

I'm in Austin.

I'm amazed so much by how the Lord works everything out. When did I decide to take control of my life, and think I can manage? I think that I assumed that each of the issues that came to my plate were either: a) not big enough to just give right over to the Lord; or b) I could handle them and make them go away.

Was I wrong, and was I ever stubborn. I had my eyes pried open and my heart cut repeatedly, before I realized that keeping inside the issues that were bugging me and causing so much frustration and pain - was an awesome idea.

Yeah! I could so take care of all this. I'll just continue to handle this stuff on my own and not talk about it. After all, who can I trust?







Yeah, I can trust the Lord. This angers me sometimes when people say that: "just trust God, it will all be ok..." I get it. I trust God to take care of me, but it seems like such a simply, dumb answer. Maybe it is. I think it is the right one, though. And after all, how can you argue with something you know is right?



You can't. That's why you do what you know to be right. If you're not sure if it is right, or it is the right time for something, then you are completely justified in not doing it. Right? Right.



One time, in all the days.

"what I do is put [it] in cold water and leave it there for about 30 seconds...then I drink it"







-syawg

i was wrong. again. what's new?

i've noticed some things about people in relationships - i'll just list a few of the newer observations.

-you take on physical attributes of the other. i've noticed this in regards to weight. if one of the people in a relationship is a little bigger, then the other one tends to hit the gym less, and puts on some pounds. what motivation is there? that is something that I want quite the opposite of in my relationships... i want there to be encouragement and mutual striving towards being in shape, or at least being healthy.... and i'll be the first to admit that i'm not always the best example.

i can't believe that some people won't sacrifice in a relationship. its not about the big things only - its about the little things - shoes or schedules. why are people so selfish. wow it makes me so mad thinking about this.


-people in relationships slowly ebb away their other friendships... and i think this is naturally how it is supposed to be. why won't some people let this happen? why must they hold on to it, and why must the act so selfishly ignorant. mmm more frustration.



God is the example of relationship. he is firm when he needs to be, he sacrifices continually, but never letting himself be taken advantage of.... (this is kind of not true). i want those thing in a relationship and i want extreme joy.

this is a little random

everything is blamed on the "downfall of the family" - divorces and absentee fathers are to blame for most of societies problems: kids underperforming in school, drug usage increase, teenage pregnancy. could it be that there is more to it than family problems.

also this is another thing that is confusing to me. people with no family problems - that is an intact nucleus of father and mother (originals) - seem to be the experts. i would hardly be able to consider myself an expert on family dealings when my mom and dad have been happily married for 25+ ... so if you think you're qualified to speak with authority on family problems - and you still have parents with a strong, consistent marriage - think again. my extended family has had problems - divorce, infidelity, etc. - but i haven't experienced that directly, so where do i have authority to speak?

also, i'll write another letter:


dear **

you are immature. sometimes you cannot get outside of yourself, and you cannot see beyond your own nose. in many senses you are so lucky. what problems do you have? large problems seem to pop up sometimes, but they quickly fade amidst claims of blessing ... the problems don't seem to be that anymore. you're amazing and so great and i love you, but come on - be aware of others around you.

daniel







nb: as in most of my letters to myself, often i am included in some of the accusations.

i want to write more. but i manage my time poorly and i don't leave myself with a lot of time to spare and write or read. my journals suffers, my time with many different people and items suffers. why do i fail at getting it together?

AWESOME. i sometimes feel like i'm defending myself a lot. i wonder what that means. i think it might mean that i'm wrong and there is reason for people to call me out.

this is in vegas. i saw david crowder in a casino in vegas. i wish i could have hung out with him more than i did.

I'm just so confused. Maybe you really don't get it. Maybe I was right on my initial thought.

I do believe I'll keep up with this a little more.

I hope I'll get some more readers here because there are some important thoughts I want to share with many people.

I wish people would understand what a struggle love is. I see a lot of people misunderstanding what love can really mean. Without a struggle, love is, among other things, almost false. Notice how I said 'almost'. It is not false; love untested. It is easy. I think that a lot of people only have experienced easy love.

I have not. I have not only experienced easy love. I'm so happy that I haven't. What a blessing! What a struggle! What a point in the right direction and what a kick in the ass! I'm being serious. I could not imagine how much less sensitive and less aware of my thoughts and actions and how much less observant I might be if I had never had to struggle with (and subsequently embrace) loving people close to me that have "challenged" me in ways they don't know. You just don't know.

I'll finish with a letter to someone whom I suspect won't read it, and if he or she does, then I doubt they'll realize it was meant for them.


Dear ***

You live in a dream world. You think you get reality? You are blind and ingnorant to struggle; real, fleshly, hatred and struggle. When will you realize it? I don't know that you will before God calls you home. That's too bad, because truthfully - you could have an even bigger impact than you already do. You aren't observant, but you're working on it. I love you, and I appreciate the things you've taught me.

Daniel

I doubt so much the people I want to read this will read this. Bummer.

Oh well, here goes.

Dear * *** *** **

I wish you would be brave. I wish you would not get defensive so easily and I wish you would see people's hearts through their actions - not just their actions - this goes along with the first wish of mine - you not being so defensive. Its not about me. Thats ironic, and I wish you could see that.

Come on! Go without a parachute (thats ironic, but you wouldn't know it either) and believe what I say.

Its so hard to enjoy things sometimes, but sometimes you make it easier (in both good ways and bad). So thank you nonetheless.

Daniel


Dear ***** *

Please stop it. Get your head out of your ass, because, for some odd reason, you are choosing to keep it there. Look and see who loves you and how much they do! AHHH. You're so awesome! I mean that so much! So, use all that you have for the best - and not for the worst, because God knows it has nearly killed us both, literally and figuratively.

Daniel

I love this picture so much. It makes me very happy. How does time fly...

 

I think I've overestimated myself and that's a bad feeling. A really bad feeling.

Maybe I'm not as good as I thought.

When did people become so eager to compromise?

Thats so disappointing.

I'm trying hard not to slip and trying hard to be consistant, and people that I respect so much end up turning a blind eye towards stuff.

When we do that, we make ourselves look like ignorant bastards.

Let me get this off of my chest.

You cannot beat me. Don't try to beat me at this game. I have been around the block so many times it will make your head spin. I think people think that they are so good at this that they miss out on the sharks like me and Staff in the water.

So you know what? Keep your tricks to yourself, don't bother trying them on me, because I will make you look like an idiot.

Shut down your facade.

I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it.

-Voltaire

As I've been running more late at night, I have a number of incredible thoughts about life that come to me. Running really clears a lot out of my head and I enjoy it so much.

I'll be posting some of those thoughts randomly after my runs or as I think of them. I'll catch up for the past few weeks:



-Going through life doubting and angry must suck so much. Too much doubt or too much anger will do misery to your soul. Also, too little doubt or anger will do misery to your soul.

-I wonder what its like to be addicted to something. What would it be like to have something you CANNOT CONTROL force your hand. I think it must suck so much.

-People don't get it. It is so hard for people to pick their head up and look around. I'm so thankful for the few people in my life who do get it. So incredibly thankful.