as i listened to cake's short skirt long jacket song this evening, i realized something that i think my wife will have to do for me. or rather, wants to do for me... and me for her in many ways

"i want a girl who gets up early; i want a girl who stays up late"

i just envisioned my wife urging me out of bed in the early morning hours to go take care of a necessary task. usually when people try and wake me up and i don't have to be up for any significant reason... i can quickly discredit them and their efforts for a few more ZZZZs

but my wife... the woman i'll love and care about more than myself and more than anything i know or will know... i can appreciate and respect her efforts... and be as dedicated to her as she is to me... if not more...

what are you doing?
spread yourself thin once again and some pick up on it.


what are you doing, [in between d & f]
connection? fun? laughs? i know you're sore. i would be too. don't be so tough though.


daniel: what are you doing? how excited are you?


these past few weeks have been pretty crazy - but this weekend the Lord spoke to me greatly. He showed me how to shut up and cry and to see that emotional fulfilment comes from Him and no place else. i can't find it in people (g's) until i know i have found it in the Lord... and I'm getting there...

I just hope you'll wait. i don't know who you are but i want you by my side. maybe you're not out there... and maybe i'll serve in isolation. I'm not going to freak out, but i am going to try and gain perspective. if you walked into my life tomorrow or you already have and you know it. please tell me. if you're not supposed to then don't. i love you.

april 2 has come and gone


i often think about my role in different relationships i've had - friendships and otherwise; as a son, as a brother

i often think that i screw things up and, even in all my psychoanalyzing, i just completely miss it. it worries me, but i find solace in the idea that i really don't dwell on the past much at all. the past is what it is. it has helped me so much, but when i think about it too much, i begin to doubt myself (unhealthily, i might add). in doing so, i'm unable to look forward and live in the here and now.

these past few months have been so odd for me. up and down, distant and far. i have felt so satisfied and at some points so unsatisfied & lonely. above all though, my hunger for the Lord to shape my character into something more legit and more like Him, has grown. I want it more than ever now.
there are some people i wish i could communicate to, and it breaks my heart that i cannot.

j'espère vous êtes grand, et j'espère que nous pouvons parler bientôt.