I just feel dumb.

I hate feeling dumb.

I know when I make mistakes and I can admit them; I know that that happens and I don't feel dumb about it.

I do not in the least bit feel dumb for being an Astros fan. In fact, after an amazing season - full of ups and downs - seeing the Astros in 3 different ball parks.... I'm very pleased and now more of an Astros fan than before.

That may sound odd...but they are nearer and dearer to my heart. I connected with them. It may sound unhealthy... but I don't think that it is. What I do think is that - I should get this excited about things that will matter forever. I know it sounds cliche... but things about relationships with people and my relationship to God. If we put the time into knowing God and stuff - how much more worthy of an effort would that be?

Now, there is so much to be said for getting together and rooting for a common goal - for a team. It was so great to see people care and grow, etc. from a playoff run. I dunno... we'll see what comes of all of this. Baseball is over now, Christmas is coming and things are good. God is good, that is the only reason that things are good. If things aren't good... God is still good. Yes Mr. or Miss Pragmatic, things are bad in the quake-ridden middle east and New Orleans and people may think that God is absent. I know He is there - teaching and comforting and being God. I don't get it either... but I trust and I have faith... it is weak and lacking at times... but its there. Hold on to that.

Doubt your doubts; believe your beliefs.

Astros - World Series Champs 2006!

Proverbs 16:9


"The mind of a man plans his way; but the Lord directs his steps."

I have this part of me that wants to get away


"...so I won't expect a postcard from Trafalgar Square..."


name that song - then go listen to it and think about stepping out of your box

"I love God's law with all my heart."

Romans 7:22

the new switchfoot album is so good

our world is so lonely... people try so hard! they really try and fill themseleves with things that won't fill


why can't people be satisfied... i think they think that there are things that will fill them that they can do

i hope they don't feel too lonely - i want to show them acceptance and Acceptance

You know...


I'm so lucky.



So are you.

IF YOU WANT TO READ THIS, READ IT ALL.


I was chillin' at my house tonight, as I predict might be a regular occurance, when my old roommies from the dorm stopped by. It was great to see them, and we decided to go to Taco C.

When we got there - we saw some people we knew and were talking with them and stuff; then in a matter of 3 minutes I had these 2 conversations:

Conversation A - with a guy named Brett who was in a few of my classes.

Dan: "Hey Brett, whats up?"

Brett: "Not much man, I've had way too much to drink, I'm really drunk."

Dan: "Allright, well grabbin' some Taco C now? Its good stuff."

Brett: "Yeah, I had to drink tonight - I had a rough past few days. Two of my friends are getting divorced and one of them is just doing so bad; his wife is doing stuff a married woman shouldn't do, so yeah."

Dan: "Well, man I'm sorry about that..."

conversation A trails off...

not 200 seconds later

Conversation B - with "Jane" - an acquaintence...

Dan: "Hey Jane, whats up?"

Jane: "Not much, woah, sorry, I'm so so drunk."

Dan: "Allright, did you have fun?"

Jane: "Eh, not really, I mean... we just drank"

Dan "Did you go [dancing at] to the Hall?"

Jane: "Nah, me and some people went to Northgate... don't worry I'm not driving."

Dan: "Ok, well if you need a ride or anything, let me know for sure, ok?"



I share these stories not to say anything about myself. I share these stories because it worries me when people drink just for kicks or like get drunk because they have some problems.

I do know this: people deal with their problems so differently. I deal with mine in a certain way, and people deal with their problems in other ways. I respect that. Its so legit to have your own way of dealing with stuff. Its just differences in humans. Thats cool - differences.

I hope you took the time to read this whole entry.

its crazy how much older i feel

i want to worry, but when i think about worrying, i remember that i'm not in control


i am coming to grips more and more with the fact that I'm a closet control-freak of sorts

at the same time - i'm learning to lay back and just let things happen


God is good.

Here I am in Spring.


I'm back from D.C. and from Fish Camp.


I'm so excited about practicing what I've learned.



I love music alot and I really enjoy the faithful and true expression of emotion I find in Coldplay's music.



I hope that some of these freshman I've met at Fish Camp and stuff stick to their Faith and hold true to their convictions; not compromising and not changing.

I disagree with those who might say that it is perfectly acceptable to let yourself go in college. Of course its great to go and try some new things - what is dumb is to try everything once to an extreme fashion. For instance: its not necessary to try LSD or hard liquor once to see what it feels like. Its not the best idea to try sex once just to see what it feels like.

I think I break it down like this: things you want to try have to be worth the risk of what might occur as a result of doing such things. If you want to try LSD, you would necessarily accept the possible consequences that your body might shut down, your heart may go into cardiac arrest and you might die. If you wanted to (or) have sex, you would necessarily accept the consequences that you might become pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted infection.

If one might expect sympathy from everyone as a result of a consequence of an action occuring, it might be an illogical and igorant expectation. I would never stop loving someone that I love if they chose do to such a thing; NEVER. I would, however be disappointed at their choice, as is natural. In fact, I don't expect everyone to not choose to do things that are harmful to themselves. Additionally, I do things that are detrimental to myself as well, so by no means am I writing this with a pious attitude; just with an attitude of hopeful wishing - for myself and my friends.


I'm a romantic.

You talk a big game.

Please, step up and do it. You're starting and I'm very happy for you.

Don't go crazy, you have to relax and start to calm down.

Don't surround yourself with people that cannot encourage you and push you and show you how to be better.

It's impossible to be close to someone who you get very frstrated with extremely easily.



People change, and its not always good.

Holy cow - music is so amazing

today on the way home from work - i just closed my eyes and listened to " a message" by coldplay and "swallowed in the sea" by coldplay -

on the way into work i've made it a habit to listen to the beastie boys - and man - that makes for a fun morning - really fun -

"Some voices got treble some voices got base
We got the kinda voices that are in your face."

Thank you beastie boys, coldplay


switchfoot coming out soon - september - can't wait


hi

I don't know what to feel.


I'm happy.



I don't want to be selfish, but sometimes I am. I don't want others to be selfish, but they are.

when i'm watching The Price Is Right, and people win a car or 10,000 dollars and don't go hug Bob or thank him or shake his hand - that pisses me off alot - ungreatful jerks - like they deserve it - it is a gift and a blessing and people need to realize that

maybe i don't get it


maybe i don't understand people as well as i think

but then again - thinking that makes me think that i do

i'm definitely not bragging that i understand people well - its obvious to me and to others sometimes that i "don't get it" but i'm so confused as to when people are so anxious about something and they let that thing slide - or put it immediately on the back burners for something less important

lets be really clear... i'm guilty - as charged - i do it often - but i'm working on stepping up and doing something that i'll say that i will do - and just gettin' it done. however, its a work in progress, and i'm nowhere close to completing it... but i don't think we ever "get there"

let me explain - in some ways - i don't think we ever get to the places we want to go - for instance - i want to be very well-read - as in i want to read alot of books and be very literate - and in steps - i am getting there - slowly but surely i'm reading more and more - but i don't know that I'll ever get to the point where I will be like - ok - i can pick up this book and read it and then put it down and think about it and read it again or something else...

wow that was a pretty poor example - but you get my drift, right?

erica has a really really great quote in her profile and it says "anyone who says 'i miss you' is just not trying hard enough" and i find that to be so true... but at the same time - i can miss my friend so so much but there is nothing i can do right now to see him - he is in arkansas - i am in DC, neither of us can fly - i don't have any money and have committed to working these next few weeks... i can try as hard as i might but - i just don't have the money or time or opportunities to go see him... see what i'm saying? no? well i guess everything is possible for you, and if it is - then shut the hell up and go do the things you want - don't say you really want something or you REALLY really miss someone unless you mean it - because if you think that everything is do-able - then you should put your freaking money where your mouth is and do it - thats precisely why my dad does not make stupid promises - thats why i'm minimizing my "yea... i promise to do that " 's or my "yea i really really miss " because i want my words to carry weight...

again, lets be clear - i'm not perfect- and i'm totally cool with that - i'm not going to use that as my excuse - but i'm certainly going to work towards doing what i say i will -

maybe thats a little intense...i feel like i scare people or push people away when i'm too intense - and i want to apologize - but i don't think my apologies are always sincere - if i truly have hurt someone or did something bad - i'll apologize for my intensity, but if it is something stupid - (and not just stupid from my eyes, logically and plainly) then why should i apologize for having a passion ... for being intense (my passion is not like "to be intense") ... wow - i wonder if anyone follows this... i wonder if my wife could follow this - i don't know who she is or where she is - but if she can get this - if anyone can get this...wow

congrats on reading this far - this is part of my heart and who i am - and how i feel now

Mixed-signals.




wow




thats funny




tonight sould be really fun - I'm glad that I live in America. You are too.

I want to be

a Christian God is pleased with.


He loves me when I don't love Him.

He saved me, when I don't understand Him.




none other,

I realized this today.

There is a song i heard today that said "she loves me but she doesn't even know me." I am inclined to say that the girl who loves this guy is a complete idiot.

Loving someone involves knowing them and loving them regardless. Do you think you can love someone and not meet them, or not truly truly know who they are. I don't think you can. Then what is your love based off of? Looks? One or two chance meetings? See, if you're going to love someone. I mean love someone - you know them, and love them still - like - knowing their faults and their amazing attributes, and loving all of them. In Good Will Hunting, Dr. McGuire (Robin Williams) is describing to will about his late wife. He tells will that she farted in her sleep. He said that at some points, it would get so bad, it would wake both of them up. He said that those little "eccentricities" and annoyances were what he loved about his wife.

Now, i don't know about you, but I get annoyed easily sometimes, and other times I'm real chill, not letting much bother me. Some things about some people really bother me, and its really hard tough to really get past them ya know? Anyhow, my comment about love leads me to this:

In order for you to expect someone to love you, you have to let them know you. Don't be a complete idiot and close yourself off to someone (alot or a moderate amt - you def. need to protect your heart - UNDOUBTEDLY) and expect them to love you. If they say they love you and you know they don't know you or really really know you the true you, they're ignorant stupid and desparate and maybe a little bit horny. Sorry, I had to throw that in there, some people are that shallow.

So, go figure. Get out of my face with this guy loves me or this girl loves me... when they don't have any clue about you. And get even farther out of my face with this crap of expecting someone to love you and not giving them an opportunity to know you.

These are my thoughts, spurred on by a song.


God loves me. God loves me to the point where He sacraficed Himself for me. He knows me, and sees my innermost thoughts, and knows my innermost feelings. Deep down in me where things exist that I will never breath a word about to my wife or my best of friends. Sins I'm capable of committing that would warrant death so severly. THANKFULLY, I am forgiven for my sins, even for the ones i'll never commit. I wouldn't act on it because my life is transformed into a life guarded by God's Spirit living in me. Of course, I'm capable of doing such things, but I won't act on them because God has changed my life, and continues to mold me.

I'm so undeserving of His grace, what on Earth or in Heaven or in hell have i done to deserve such a gift, such a pardon.

GOD KNOWS MY THOUGHTS AND EVERYTHING ABOUT ME AND LOVES ME STILL.

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

HE LOVES ME.

GOD LEGITIMATELY AND DEEPLY LOVES ME.

All this natalee holloway stuff - i can't believe how stupid some people are - here are some comments posted on a forum in response to one of her friends posting something

IT MAKES ME SO FREAKING MAD THAT PEOPLE REFUSE TO PUT ANY RESPONSIBLITY ON HER OR HER CHAPERONES - THERE WERE 2 FOR 160 HIGH SCHOOLERS - HOLY HELL - ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Dear Natalee,
I've been to Aruba, and I want to give you some advice.

1. Have a great time and have something to drink; but DON'T GET DRUNK IN A STRANGE PLACE.

2.Don't hang out with shady locals. Some people are nice, but others will try to take advantage of you (especially if you're a cute, drunk American).

3.Don't get into a car with a stranger. I know, I know you've heard this 1000 times before, but you might think about applying it here in a FOREIGN COUNTRY!

4.Check in with your friends and let them know whats going on. You obviously could not expect to be perfectly fine going off without telling anyone what you're up to.


Wow, Natalee, hearing of what you "allegedly" did the night before you disappeared -I'm so dissappointed. Let me get this straight, you had a few drinks, got in the car with some guy you met a day before, and 2 of his buddies. Natalee, as an honors student, a member of NHS, I would have expected better decisions out of you. You are not completely free of responsibility in the trouble you might be in.

I hope you come back safely and learn from this experience. I hope you family can find peace in the midst of this situation, trusting in God's sovereign plan above their own. That's a real tough thing to do, BELIEVE ME.

this is unbelievable -

it is so ridiculous how much people are so selfish

i really have just been listening - and trying to avoid talking about myself whenever i meet new people - and its been pretty effective - and amazingly interesting

peopl will talk about themselves forever - and go on and on about what they are doing and where they are going - and its is SO RARE to find someone who will turn back the questions you ask them on you - and truthfully i really don't care - if there is a need to share, i'm more than willing to talk about my experiences - and my thoughts - but just shutting up and listening - wow - now thats something else


bill walton is a complete moron


i'm going to see coldplay in concert in september - on the 8th row - booya.


you should call me - my cell phone works up here


on another note - i spent a long time on the phone with krista anderson and i'm adding her as a link on the right - her boyfriend herman is in China, and he seems like a real cool kid

go spurs.

Don't feed me lines.



city love