i discussed this with jenny last night: why some of my married friends dropped their maiden names on facebook, and others do not. and i think my thoughts were fairly accurate.

i'll do a count today, since i'll probably be bored, of my married friends, and how many kept their old names on facebook account, and who didn't. but i'm gonna go out and say - i think there might be more who only took their new name, and didn't put their old name on their facebook profile.

i'll qualify "friends" as this - i'm friends with them on facebook, or if i don't know them, i know (am friends with) their husband.

stay tuned.



oh, you need to blog.

this was great bag of original skittles:

yellow -- 11
green -- 11
orange -- 9
purple -- 9
red: 19

COMMUNITY>COFFEE

i've realized a few things this morning.

as i'm waiting for my clearances here at my new job, i'm amazingly bored. i have done very little substantive work, and its kinda been wearing on me. its ok - because i know that this is part of the industry i work in. i just wish it could speed up a little bit. for all of the new hires waiting for clearances, there is a huge room they call "the colony"... where they all wait together till they get cleared, then they go up with their supervisors to do classified work. my boss found a place for me up in our building just outside of the classified area (where i don't have access to yet), where i can be close, sit in on some meetings, and meet some of the people who i'll be working with.

but strangest thing... in my little cube, in my little hall, i have met 1 of the 6 people around me, and not surprisingly i'm sleepy and bored. I realized this - i don't need coffee when i have community. if i could come in the morning and say hello to people around me, and get to work with these people, etc. I would not be yawning and nearly falling asleep, and needing coffee, and watching the clock as hours creep by.

i know thats how it goes, but i do know that i realized for me, its incredibly important that I have people around me.

funny thing just happened... 2 young guys just stopped by my office - and Lindsey, my friend who told me about the opening here, told me about them - nice guys who are in our department. it was great to meet them, and i look forward to working with them. ha. its funny how that happens - literally right in the middle of me writing about community.

i can't wait to get started on my program- i just met my program manager... seems like a really nice guy. he's the guy i'll be reporting to.


---


Also recently, i've been conflicted, or my thoughts have just been stirred about a topic - blue collar work. or not blue collar work per se, but work that doesn't necessarily require highly skilled training or education. i'll explain... there is a nice guy i've seen around the campus here - he wears this cool bank of america hat, and he's black. he is some kind of maintenance guy/staff support - i'm not sure what his title is, but he's really nice. i don't know what kind of training he has or what his story is, or what education he has... etc. but i know this: if i was in a position like that, i think that i would be a little bitter. now i must be clear here - i want to explain how humbled i feel to have got to the position i am in - i have an incredible job, and got to get my masters in 5 years, and i don't necessarily feel like i've earned the things that i have... which i guess is good... i'm amazingly grateful to my parents, to my friends, to the Lord, for all that i have - opportunities, importantly.

what i am NOT saying is that this guy is unhappy, or unfulfilled, or upset, or bitter, or angry, or jealous, or whatever. i don't know his mindset, and quite honestly - i will ALWAYS wish peace and happiness upon people - doing whatever they want as a job, serving wherever they feel led, etc. i know that people won't find soul-filling happiness outside of the Lord, but i do know that they can enjoy what they do, if they enjoy what they do. my observation is simply this - that if i was in a position like his, ***and i knew that i was capable of more*** i would not enjoy it, and might hold a bit of resentment. now, i can't truly know if i would feel this, because i haven't been in a situation like that, yet. but i'm just conjecturing, and blogging, and this is where i like to share some thoughts.

i'll tell you this much too, you should probably start blogging, and stop just reading. this is directed at someone different.


the astros are doing fairly poorly as of late, but thats ok.

i'm really bummed that payday is still a week away, and i've been workign for a week and a half. brtual.

jenny is so great. this girl is really special.

don't vote for john mccain because your mother wants you to.


or because your father wants you to.


vote for john mccain because YOU believe he's the best candidate.


but i'm forced to type here that you can vote for john mccain for whatever reason you want. but if you're over 21 and/or married and/or graduated and/or strong enough to think independently...

i think i'm almost past the edge, crescendo, tipping point, next big thing, etc.

actually i think i'm in the middle of it. and i'm not scared. i thought i would be a little scared, but i'm not. i'm more nostalgic than anything - and not of anything beyond 2 or 3 years ago. perhaps thats because in the past 2 - 3 years i have figured a lot of things out. these things are not limited to the following:


- that me and my parents have become closer, as well as me and my brother
- that age is not as big a deal as it seems, or has seemed to me
- that i can't stand things that are "just the way they are"
- that i know of no other thing greater than the unselfish love of the Lord
- that i know that God loves us, and hates what we've done in classification and judgement
- i won't be doing any one thing for an extended period of time, for a while...
- i love people more than i even thought
- i've chilled out, and thats a great thing
- talk a lot less
- a lot less
- a hell of a lot less
- everyone gets lonely. even young married couples. even happily social individuals. even businessmen. even parents who have less to do than before.
- people can become far too stingy.
- people need to get out of debt quickly
- people who do things that are far below their talent level - will eventually feel unfulfilled and disappointed in themselves
- i'm glad when people figure out that sometimes the reason they are bored, is because they sit idly on their hands, missing the challenge they once thrived on, grew from, learned from, and blanaced SO WELL.
- move along
- proximity
- patience

no one updates their blogs that often. good bloggers do. maybe i'm not one. maybe i am.

insomnia.

i think its interesting to see blogging's popularity increase over the years. i have seen numerous friends start blogging, then fall off, some even start again, then disappear.

not to say that there were a few months at a time when i didn't blog, but still... i've been at this game for a while. and i'm glad. i'm not even a very good blogger. the pro-bloggers update more often and have more insightful things to say. in fact, there is only a rare blog of mine that is dynamic, and or funny or exciting. with that being said. i'm proud to have a random blog that menas a great deal to me and few other people.

if you're reading this and don't understand me; know this - i believe in communication and community, and relationships. and i believe that these things occur and develop most in this order: face-to-face, via the telephone, via written comm, then digital/modern media.

any relationship begun in any way other than face-to-face, lacks a bit of sincerity, and has more room for error, at lease INITIALLY. development can take it into a better realm, but not without a great deal of work.

that being said, anyone who does not pursue realtionships in their community, i believe is missing out on a great deal.


THAT being said, pursuing too many realtionships can cause problems, and i'm one to know.

but closing yourself off to only a few, i think, can be boring and can take away an edge of your personality. certainly, there shouldn't be 5 new relationships brewing in your life at any random point, but i think you see what i'm saying. i guess its because i hate when people are WAYYYY too comfortable. don't get me wrong - i'm certainly one who likes to be comfortable. i know that there is a time and place for it, too. and i can't wait to enjoy some comfortable time in my new life in dallas. but i always want to grow. and so should you.

i think that a true artist does not care what people think of their art. they do not care whether the song they write or the poetry they compose is received well by an audience, or not. they just do it. so when someone says "you need to appreciate the bravery and fear that an artist must accomplish", i can do so. however, i won't respect it as much as the artist with the attitude that says "to hell with what you think, i'm in love with my art. i'm in love with the way i express it, and the way i create it, and the way it touches my soul."

i think that those times where an artists' creations are received well and enjoyed by an audience (the larger the better, most likely), must be icing on the proverbial cake. if you don't like someones' art, thats fine. but appreciate their passion in making it.

and even if you don't, true, obsessed artists couldn't give a damn what you think.



i think thats why bands like radiohead and oasis have been around for a while, and even though their creations aren't as well received in the United States as other artists, they have enjoyed careers that span decades and sleep under the glow of grammies and platinum Billboard awards.

The idea of middle-to-late aged women sitting around during the middle of the day and looking at facebook profiles and picture albums - bothers me. Isn't the whole idea of community slightly sabotaged when communication, congratulations, rejoicing, and encouragement take the form of keyboards and mini-feeds?

I enjoy facebook for any number of reasons... not the least of which is ease and convenience of communication. However, a social-networking tool such as facebook is, was not initially designed to be a spy-tool, a gossip-wheel, or a PRIMARY means of communication... especially for individuals in parental positions and with responsibilities far greater than a term paper or reading reviews.

Still, I must express my belief in freedom of individuals to do whatever they would like. To that end, I blieve greatly in personal liberty to join or do or say anything, so long as it does not infringe or drastically impair the common rights of others, to that same liberty.

all at once, the world can overwhelm me.

i got AA back to back. the first time, i end up scooping a pot (275), on a sick, sick call. board reads K-8-2-10-7, dumbass makes it 65 after i check it to him, and when he value bet 65, i looked at the pot, and decided to gamble.

he said: I got a pair.
i said: how big?
he said: real small
railbirds: "hurry up guys..."
i said: turn it up

i said: ship it.

i love my brother so much

derek webb is not afraid to write lyrics that ring true, and will ruffle feathers. he bases so much of his music, and specifically his lyrics, in truth, and love. and if you haven't figured out that love takes the form of upsetting people sometimes, then welcome to life.

"there are two great lies that i've heard.
the day you eat of the fruit of that tree, you will not surely die.
that jesus christ was a white, middle-class republican, and if you wanna be saved, you have to learn to be like him."

i learn from people i don't expect to learn from, sometimes. sometimes, those people are people that i THINK i DON'T want to learn from.

i just ran into my advisor here at the Bush school and it literally has been over a year since i spoke with her. students are matched up with advisors, and i'm not sure how often everyone meets theirs, but the only thing i asked of her was to approve my internship form for last summer. anyhow, as i'm up here on a sunday morning (gasp) I forgot my access card at home, and she was walking in and could get into the building. so she recognized me and said, how are you doing, haven't seen you in a while... etc. then asked me about jobs. i told her that i'd likely have a choice between DoD in DC or Raytheon in Dallas, and she gave me a piece of advice i had heard before but i really believe now... go do the job that will give you more specific training and experience. and right now the cost controls job at raytheon will do that.

but the other night, many of my grad student buddies gave me grief for possibly passing up on the opportunity to work in the five-sided building.

and there's the idea of having great community already there in Dallas. although i don't doubt i could find community in DC. and theres jld

Standing on a building
I am a lightning rod
And all these clouds are so familiar
Descending from the mountain tops
The gods are threatening
But I will return an honest soldier

coffee seems more effective on friday.

wow, when it rains, it pours.

hfbi
dr
wdcdod

i don't get it sometimes.

dammit why is it that some people just take and take and don't give

sometimes i give my friend brad a ride. often times it is done at the last second as he's late for class, or doing something. and tonight, as i'm relaxing at watching a movie for class, then napping... a few things that i enjoy as "leisure" he cannot go drop off one of our other roommates for a test. i don't get it. he always asks for rides, but doesn't usually give them. its frustrating. i hardly EVER ask for a ride, partially because i like being self sufficient and do not enjoy being at the mercy of others for something that i could probably do myself.

also, i try my best to express my feelings, and i hate leaving something unresolved with anyone. i don't care if its my mom, if its a recruiter for a company or any one of my friends, i hate walking away from something without making some kind of attempt at a resolution. it just sucks.


i doubt anyone has been reading my blogs since high school, nor do i think people would be interested in looking at my archives, but like i've said numerous times, i don't write this blog FOR anyone. its a vent for myself. so accordingly, i welcome comments, but will make few apologies.

"a real man makes his own luck"

-billy zane, titanic

i find it very funny that political discussions and political passions seemed to have faded, or at least been put on the backburner for the time being. it is very telling of the overall idea of political interest, only when there is a vote, or a huge political issue, do people begin to take sides, talk about issues, and debate passionately. over the past few weeks since the primaries, i have been engaged in increasingly less political conversations. i find it funny, because, like some sports fans, some "politically interested people" are fair-weather.