i want to write more. but i manage my time poorly and i don't leave myself with a lot of time to spare and write or read. my journals suffers, my time with many different people and items suffers. why do i fail at getting it together?

AWESOME. i sometimes feel like i'm defending myself a lot. i wonder what that means. i think it might mean that i'm wrong and there is reason for people to call me out.

this is in vegas. i saw david crowder in a casino in vegas. i wish i could have hung out with him more than i did.

I'm just so confused. Maybe you really don't get it. Maybe I was right on my initial thought.

I do believe I'll keep up with this a little more.

I hope I'll get some more readers here because there are some important thoughts I want to share with many people.

I wish people would understand what a struggle love is. I see a lot of people misunderstanding what love can really mean. Without a struggle, love is, among other things, almost false. Notice how I said 'almost'. It is not false; love untested. It is easy. I think that a lot of people only have experienced easy love.

I have not. I have not only experienced easy love. I'm so happy that I haven't. What a blessing! What a struggle! What a point in the right direction and what a kick in the ass! I'm being serious. I could not imagine how much less sensitive and less aware of my thoughts and actions and how much less observant I might be if I had never had to struggle with (and subsequently embrace) loving people close to me that have "challenged" me in ways they don't know. You just don't know.

I'll finish with a letter to someone whom I suspect won't read it, and if he or she does, then I doubt they'll realize it was meant for them.


Dear ***

You live in a dream world. You think you get reality? You are blind and ingnorant to struggle; real, fleshly, hatred and struggle. When will you realize it? I don't know that you will before God calls you home. That's too bad, because truthfully - you could have an even bigger impact than you already do. You aren't observant, but you're working on it. I love you, and I appreciate the things you've taught me.

Daniel

I doubt so much the people I want to read this will read this. Bummer.

Oh well, here goes.

Dear * *** *** **

I wish you would be brave. I wish you would not get defensive so easily and I wish you would see people's hearts through their actions - not just their actions - this goes along with the first wish of mine - you not being so defensive. Its not about me. Thats ironic, and I wish you could see that.

Come on! Go without a parachute (thats ironic, but you wouldn't know it either) and believe what I say.

Its so hard to enjoy things sometimes, but sometimes you make it easier (in both good ways and bad). So thank you nonetheless.

Daniel


Dear ***** *

Please stop it. Get your head out of your ass, because, for some odd reason, you are choosing to keep it there. Look and see who loves you and how much they do! AHHH. You're so awesome! I mean that so much! So, use all that you have for the best - and not for the worst, because God knows it has nearly killed us both, literally and figuratively.

Daniel

I love this picture so much. It makes me very happy. How does time fly...

 

I think I've overestimated myself and that's a bad feeling. A really bad feeling.

Maybe I'm not as good as I thought.

When did people become so eager to compromise?

Thats so disappointing.

I'm trying hard not to slip and trying hard to be consistant, and people that I respect so much end up turning a blind eye towards stuff.

When we do that, we make ourselves look like ignorant bastards.

Let me get this off of my chest.

You cannot beat me. Don't try to beat me at this game. I have been around the block so many times it will make your head spin. I think people think that they are so good at this that they miss out on the sharks like me and Staff in the water.

So you know what? Keep your tricks to yourself, don't bother trying them on me, because I will make you look like an idiot.

Shut down your facade.

I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend, to the death, your right to say it.

-Voltaire

As I've been running more late at night, I have a number of incredible thoughts about life that come to me. Running really clears a lot out of my head and I enjoy it so much.

I'll be posting some of those thoughts randomly after my runs or as I think of them. I'll catch up for the past few weeks:



-Going through life doubting and angry must suck so much. Too much doubt or too much anger will do misery to your soul. Also, too little doubt or anger will do misery to your soul.

-I wonder what its like to be addicted to something. What would it be like to have something you CANNOT CONTROL force your hand. I think it must suck so much.

-People don't get it. It is so hard for people to pick their head up and look around. I'm so thankful for the few people in my life who do get it. So incredibly thankful.

People have the hardest time admitting when they are wrong.

I wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor come from God alone. he is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.

Psalms 62:5-8

I just feel dumb.

I hate feeling dumb.

I know when I make mistakes and I can admit them; I know that that happens and I don't feel dumb about it.

I do not in the least bit feel dumb for being an Astros fan. In fact, after an amazing season - full of ups and downs - seeing the Astros in 3 different ball parks.... I'm very pleased and now more of an Astros fan than before.

That may sound odd...but they are nearer and dearer to my heart. I connected with them. It may sound unhealthy... but I don't think that it is. What I do think is that - I should get this excited about things that will matter forever. I know it sounds cliche... but things about relationships with people and my relationship to God. If we put the time into knowing God and stuff - how much more worthy of an effort would that be?

Now, there is so much to be said for getting together and rooting for a common goal - for a team. It was so great to see people care and grow, etc. from a playoff run. I dunno... we'll see what comes of all of this. Baseball is over now, Christmas is coming and things are good. God is good, that is the only reason that things are good. If things aren't good... God is still good. Yes Mr. or Miss Pragmatic, things are bad in the quake-ridden middle east and New Orleans and people may think that God is absent. I know He is there - teaching and comforting and being God. I don't get it either... but I trust and I have faith... it is weak and lacking at times... but its there. Hold on to that.

Doubt your doubts; believe your beliefs.

Astros - World Series Champs 2006!

Proverbs 16:9


"The mind of a man plans his way; but the Lord directs his steps."

I have this part of me that wants to get away


"...so I won't expect a postcard from Trafalgar Square..."


name that song - then go listen to it and think about stepping out of your box

"I love God's law with all my heart."

Romans 7:22

the new switchfoot album is so good

our world is so lonely... people try so hard! they really try and fill themseleves with things that won't fill


why can't people be satisfied... i think they think that there are things that will fill them that they can do

i hope they don't feel too lonely - i want to show them acceptance and Acceptance

You know...


I'm so lucky.



So are you.